dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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