My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
