the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
