the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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