yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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