Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
