So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
