You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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