just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize