apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
