Don't you send me to vm
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
