ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
