i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
