um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
