Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
