Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
