just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
