jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
