I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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