Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My feet surprised me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
