Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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