i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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