You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
