he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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