...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
