I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
