It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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