well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
