we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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