Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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