I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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