so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
