I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
