Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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