I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she told me i tasted like america
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
