So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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