now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize