what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
