Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
