Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
