Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
