fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A bitchslap is in order.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
