someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
