Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
