Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
