the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
