i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
