if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
