I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
