Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
