My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
home. puking in laundry basket.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize