so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
