it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
