State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
