need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
