I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
