I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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