god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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