Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
