New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize