you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
