I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
