Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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