All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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