too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
