Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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