My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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