dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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