the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize