Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
