did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
