If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
