I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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