Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
