I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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