i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she looked like the before picture.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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