I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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