I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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