I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
