i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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