May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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