he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Everything about him screamed your future.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
