matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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