Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
