I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You did what with his pubic hair?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
