I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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