Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
