3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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