dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
