You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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