I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
