I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
