Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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